One thing that struck me as unfair and unbalanced regarding this situation was the fact that of all the world religions out there, nobody suggested he pursue anything beyond the 'big 3' (or 4, or 5--if you want to include Hinduism and Buddhism).
I think most of us are fairly aware of what each of the most common religions have to offer. But what about the 'other' major religions? Tonight I'd like to offer a brief exercise in comparative religion...beyond the 'big 3', in the hopes of providing poor Tiger a couple more alternatives to the same ol' same old.
Faith of the Invisible Pink Unicorn [May her holy hooves never be shod.]
Like most religions, the faith of the Invisible Pink Unicorn rests on several tenets:
- Our Lady Unicorn is Pink and Invisible.
2. She prefers Pineapple and Ham Pizza to Pepperoni and Mushroom. The latter is said to be eaten only by followers of the despicable Purple Oyster (of Doom).
3. The Followers of the IPU have more Holy Days than those of all other faiths put together, as any Holy Day of any faith is automatically an IPU Holy Day. Holy Days are used by the Faithful to sow seeds of doubt and uncertainty in the minds of addicts of other religions. The Holiest Day of the Year is April 1st. It is the day on which She suggests we find a religious nut and say "There is as much evidence for the existence of your god/gods as there is for the Invisible Pink Unicorn, why don't you check out her web-site, maybe you'll learn something?"
4. A significant number to followers of the IPU is 42. It is the answer to the question, "What is the meaning of life, the universe, and everything?" Importantly, if you add together the digits of the year in which she was revealed, (1+9+9+4) you get 23. If you add 4 (for Her hooves), add 2 (Her ears) add 2 (Her eyes) add 1 (Her Horn), add 1 (Her tail) then add 9 the result is also 42. This proves the significance of Two Score and Two.
5. Certain chosen followers of the IPU are blessed with visitations, shown with signs in their laundry (i.e., raptured socks). See the Revelation of The Lost Prophetess of AOL for more details.
Steve Eley, self-annointed 'Chief Advocate and Spokesguy' for the Invisible Pink Unicorn [Peace be unto her.], makes the following claim in defense of his faith: