Atheist Humor--Part 1

I thought today, I would just post some atheist jokes I found and enjoyed. The trouble with religious humor though, is that no matter which side of the pro/anti-religion fence you tend to be on, the jokes in each category nearly always come off as snotty bits of superiority. Despite this tendency, the fact is, religious humor is just damn funny.

{Side note: Most of these were 'borrowed' from RichardDawkins.net}

A woman was at the beach with her children when her four-year-old son ran up to her, grabbed her hand, and led her to the shore, where a sea gull lay dead in the sand.

"Mommy, what happened to him?" the son asked.

"He died and went to heaven," the mother replied.

Her son thought a moment and then said, "And God threw him back down?"

Why God never got a PhD------------------

1. He had only one major publication.

2. It was written in Aramaic, not in English.

3. It has no references.

4. It wasn't even published in a refereed journal.

5. There are serious doubts he wrote it himself.

6. It may be true that he created the universe, but what has he done since then?

7. His cooperative efforts have been quite limited.

8. The Scientific community has had a hard time replicating his results.

9. He unlawfully performed not only Animal, but *Human* testing.

10. When one experiment went awry, he tried to cover it by drowning his subjects.

11. When subjects didn't behave as predicted, he deleted them from the sample.

12. He rarely came to class, just told his students to read the book.

13. Some say he had his son teach the class.

14. He expelled his first two students for learning.

15. Although there were only 10 requirements, most of his students failed his tests.

16. His office hours were infrequent and usually held on a mountain top.

This next one I have seen in the negative, although the punchline makes much more sense (in my opinion) when applied this way rather than the other.

There was third grade teacher who had just become a born again Christian. She asked her class if any of them were born again Christians. Not knowing what a born again christian was, but wanting to please the teacher, they all raised their hands, except for little Sarah. The teacher asked her why she didn't raise her hand.

'Well I'm an atheist,' she replied.
'Why are you an atheist?' the teacher asked.
'Well my dad's an atheist and my mom's an atheist, and I'm not very religious myself, so I'm an atheist.'
'Well that's no reason,' the teacher replied, 'what if your parents were both morons?'
Little Sarah perked her head up and smiled then replied,'Well then I'd be a born again christian.'

Jerry Falwell was strolling along the street one day when he came upon a small boy sitting on the sidewalk with a box. Allowing his curiosity to overcome him, he stopped and peered into the box and asked the boy 'Well now, what do you have here, my son?' The box was full of warm, furry little lumps.

'Hello sir, these are my kittens. They're Christian kittens!'

'Christian kittens! Well bless my soul if that ain't the cutest thing I ever saw!' exclaimed Falwell and went about his business.

The next week Falwell happened to be in the same neighbourhood accompanied by Ann Coulter and he spotted the boy with his box of kittens up ahead.

'Ann, you have got to see this, it's just about the cutest thing I saw in my life!' he said and lead her over to the boy.

'Hello there son, what is it you have in your box there?' he asked the boy, with a broad wink to Coulter.

'Hello sir, there are my atheist kittens!'

Falwell's jaw dropped. 'ATHEIST kittens?!' he asked the boy in horror. 'But....but...but last week you told me they were Christian kittens!'

'Well sure sir, but now they've opened their eyes.'